Headstrong or obnoxious?

My dear friend Stephanie has an amazing blog that I read religiously. She has a way of writing that draws you in and makes you wish she had written more.

Backstory on her: I was married to an idiot, but two friends that we hung out with all the time were Stephanie and Marc. My idiot ex-husband went to high school with them. They are high school sweethearts and amazing people. Stephanie always intimidated me. She’s beautiful, intelligent, can pick out the most amazing shoes and outfits and is super confident. I always felt like I had to speak more eloquently while I was around her.

We used to hang out as couples, but then me and Steph starting going shopping or just driving around together. I got to know her better and realized that while she still is all those things listed above the one thing she isn’t is intimidating. She has a big heart and cares deeply about so many things. I knew very quickly into our relationship that we would be life long friends. Here we are 13 years later and I consider her one of my closest friends. I love her. Truly.

Okay I totally digressed. She wrote a blog recently about how her nieces were worried about what people would think if they made faces or acted silly. She brought up the point about how hard it is to raise a girl in today’s world and it hit home.
I am raising an almost 4 year old who despite being ridiculously gorgeous has the strongest will of anyone I know. We fight on a daily basis and while I know that sounds ridiculous it’s true. Some days I wake up and she is already yelling at me and other days she wants to give me a kiss and a present first thing. I love this kid, I would kill or die for her…anyone thats a mom understands this.
I do time outs every day, she tells me she hates me and wishes she could have a new mom, she throws things occasionally and blows raspberries in my face. At the moment this drives me crazy. I sometimes count the hours down until it’s bedtime when I can reflect on what happened during the day. Most of the time I did something that I wish I could take back… I wish I yelled less, I wish I didn’t have to take that toy away, I wish I had more patience and strength but other days {most days} I vow that tomorrow will be a better day. I sit back and think of what I will do differently and pray that God will grant me the knowledge and patience to be a better mom and person.

Here’s the thing, as much as I don’t really like that side of L now…. because it makes my life miserable at times, I pray that she never loses it. I pray that when a kid says something nasty to her when she gets older that it rolls of her back. I pray that she will be the kind of young woman that will stick up for not only her friends, but all the kids around her. I hope that she will be the one that picks up someone’s books if they fall, that will hold a door open for adults, that will say please and thank you when out for a meal. Most of all I PRAY that she never loses her confidence and tenacity. That she always knows who she is and sticks by that no matter what. That when she looks in the mirror she always sees a perfect human being that needs no change.

To my little bean, I love you more and more every day. Your ability to love your brother and your daddy astound me. The way you can go to a store and pick out something that I will love every time touches my heart. And the amount of things that you know already at this age absolutely amazes me. I hope that if you look back at this in 10, 15 and 20 years that you will always have known how proud I am of you and I hope you have no regrets. Make your life what you want, take it by the horns and don’t look back and give ’em hell honey.
You. Are. Amazing. and my life will always be complete because I can call you and your brother my babies. Thank you, thank you for being my princess and my best friend.
I love you,
Mama

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19 responses to “Headstrong or obnoxious?

  1. I can’t even believe you wrote this! I’m so grateful that I have you and I love you too! Xoxo

  2. First question is lol…does she get that from mom or dad or both? Next question is when you have grand children on the way, did you remember to video tape it? It will come in handy when you are told that they were never that way and that they will never raise their children the way you did lol…When she graduates from college you will look back and laugh…just remind her that the “How to be a proper parent” handbook is still on back order and should be arriving any day now.
    πŸ™‚ in the mean time just show love before bed and first thing in the morning smothering with love and kisses gets them every time.

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